Tuesday, February 5, 2013

The Best Laid Plans...

The old saying goes, “The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry.”

So it goes in the life of mice and men, so it goes doubly in my life.

Yeah, the original plan for today’s post was to be able to discuss my “glorious” return to the rink, donning the skates once again for yet another attempt at derby dominance. Or, at the very least, my attempt to roll around the Bambi track without making a complete ass of myself. Either way you look at it, neither happened.

And why not? Life once again reared back and threw a nice curveball that zinged right over the corner of the base.

In other words, I got stuck at work.

We live in a world of checks and balances, of cause and effect. And the effect of missing several hours at your second job (a blessing that I have and had that freedom) due to car troubles is that much of your work piles up. And when you get back to work, it’s waiting for you with a huge smile on its face.

Bottom line, I lost track of time and by the time I should’ve been heading from there to practice, I was instead swamped and couldn’t in good conscience leave.

So now, we look to Thursday as the next reboot date and, as tired as you’re getting of hearing me say, “Next time!” you can’t imagine how tired I am of saying it. And, to be honest, as I evaluate life in general and the journey so far, it’s got me asking some really heartfelt questions.

Questions like, is this really the right path for me?

I’ve got to believe that it’s a fair question to ask. The inconvenience of injuries aside, because that’s just part of sports and life, it’s really the other elements that leave me wondering. My first priority is to my family. And as such, that includes doing my best to provide for them which, at this point in time, includes working multiple jobs. And yes, after working twelve hours here and there, the last thing one is really excited to do is head off to practice something that, thus far, you’re really not good at nor even particularly enjoy as of yet.

The time factor stretches even farther, however, as not only does work play it’s role, so do the multiple bouts and practices that are scattered around our planners like an explosion of buckshot. Just this morning I was looking over the schedules of the Bombers and the Hit Crew and, to be frank, there’s not a lot of time left in there. Nearly every weekend seems filled with some sort of bouting, practice, and more. And while those are fun and good things, I’m thinking that come June and July, this old boy might be getting a little weary of it unless I really am able to strike a balance.

The other factor bouncing around the back of my mind is the myriad of bonus projects I’ve got rumbling around in the back of my head as well. It was my intention, about five months ago, ironically, to resurrect a website that I’d formerly managed just because I really missed the work. And the free product that came with it. (Just keeping it real here.) But time keeps pressing in on me and, when I do have the time, I really don’t have energy for much more.

And I realize that this seems like a huge whining, bitching post and, perhaps it is. But I just need to know that it’s worth it for me to push on. How many others have had this experience with derby, of starting, again and again, and really not enjoying it at the outset? What is that point that it really does get fun, that the work becomes something that I appreciate rather than dread?

Also, add to those queries questions about how to balance ones life; I’m curious to know how folks balance their lives between derby and real life? How do you find that time for real life amidst all the derby happenings, drama, and more?

If you can’t tell, these are pretty sincere questions today. Part of me really wants to keep pushing at this, fueled not only by the accountability of this experiment and my pride but also to be fair in giving it a legitimate try. Yet, the other part of me really does wonder whether or not this really is the right path, for me and for my family; will I be a better husband, father, and friend if I pursue this route?

Just needed to air that out a little bit today. I’m sure I’ll look at it tomorrow and laugh but it’s what’s real today. Definitely would appreciate any feedback, advice, or stories you’d like to share about your experiences; I know I'm not alone in this and sometimes its nice to be reminded of that fact.

1 comment:

  1. There is nothing wrong with cheering others on, and writing your newsletter, if you feel it isn't for you. Even I want to get out there and have fun, but the thought of breaking something at my age and with my responsibilities.....well, wisdom comes with age (along with the aches and pains of aging) So from a derby mom and memaw, don't beat yourself up if you choose not to do it, set boundaries and stick to them. And that's all I have to say about that! (I just realized I don't have a cute derby name to sign off with....:( )